yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
