I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
