The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
