Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
