Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
