No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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