he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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