After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
