She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
