I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize