I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
