I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
