this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
