called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
