She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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