Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
