i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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