Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
