I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
