dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
