If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
