I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
