I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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