I wish my penis had an off switch
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
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