Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
