My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm at about main and main street
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
