Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
