she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
