Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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