EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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