I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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