Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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