Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
