Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize