I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
