Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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