Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
How naked do you want me to be?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
