Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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