My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
