Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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