hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
