apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
