If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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