What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
