the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
