My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
