Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
birth control should be required to get into college
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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