He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
