i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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