handjob tips. give me some.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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