You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
