Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Two words: blizzard sex
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
