Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
