On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize