How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
