I feel great
I just peed on a car
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
40s are totally the cure
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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