When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
