Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
