i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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