So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
