I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
