I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize