I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
