That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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