Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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