Yo dont text me then not text me
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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