i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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