I just cut my nipple shaving
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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