The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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