Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize