Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize