Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Found the puke drawer
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
