Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
