It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
This baby is an asshole
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
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