you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
