i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
